The only time I ever feel sad about the fact we probably will never have another child is at night when I surf the parenting forum I am a part of. Or if chance a friend or someone I know just had a baby or announced they are pregnant. Most of the time if it's their first i shrug it of. But when it's their second, or third ect, I get a bit depressed. Then start asking, " well why can't we be blessed with another? " I try not to question my lords reasoning behind it, but sometimes its hard not to. I do not have any anger towards those with many children no I believe they are blessed.I guess maybe jealousy is the word I would like to use.
I know that if it's meant to be it will happen, and my own OBGYN believes that if we had one he dose not see why we cannot have another. We are really at a dead end right now because due to my husbands cultural beliefs we cannot go forth with much testing or intervention. I respect that of him, and have not asked again.We are thinking of trying natural herbs though, some things maybe his people would have tried or still do try.
Some of me has given up hope, another part of me has not. I know at this point if it happens ill be happy, if not i wont let myself get upset about it anymore. I have told my self no more testing every month just for the hope ill see two pink lines. It's a waste of money, and kills me every time.
I'm more then happy with my son, although a hand ful, hes my baby and keeps my heart whole. I consider myself lucky to even have had him.
with love
a sad momma
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